I was trolling my usual web haunts when I stumbled across this gem of an image. I mean, just look at it - it’s the Roman Road to salvation! And honestly, I’m not sure what’s funnier, the fact that there’s a “road” to salvation or that it’s Roman. Like, are we supposed to dress up in togas and sandals and walk this “road” to get to God? Talk about a workout! Anyway, I digress. Let’s take a closer look at this image, shall we? First off, we have a pious-looking gentleman leaning against a giant Bible. I’m assuming he’s supposed to represent “God” or “Jesus” or some other heavenly figure, but honestly he looks a bit like a camp counselor trying to wrangle a bunch of unruly kids. And what’s with the giant Bible? I mean, I know it’s supposed to be symbolic and all, but I feel like it’s just asking to be parodied. Can’t you just imagine a group of pranksters using it as a surfboard or a makeshift tent? Moving on, we come to the actual “road.” Now, I’m not sure about you guys, but when I think of a road, I think of a smooth, paved surface that’s easy to traverse. But this “road” is anything but. It’s rocky, uneven, and looks like it would be a complete pain to walk on. Plus, there’s this ominous-looking castle in the distance. Is that supposed to be heaven? If so, why does it look so foreboding? I feel like I’d rather take my chances with the fiery pits of hell at this point. But wait, there’s more! As we make our way down the “road,” we’re bombarded with all sorts of biblical phrases and verses. I don’t know about you guys, but I feel like I’m playing a game of biblical hopscotch. “Admit your sins!” *hop* “Believe in Jesus!” *hop* “Confess with your mouth!” *hop* I mean, come on. Can’t we just skip to the part where we get to heaven and have unlimited pizza and beer? Finally, we make it to the end of the “road” and are greeted with a group of people holding hands and looking super happy. Honestly, they look like they just won a round of group therapy or something. And is that a giant “S” in the sky? Is it meant to stand for “salvation” or is it a superhero signal that calls forth God’s wrath? I honestly have no idea. All in all, I’m not sure if this “Roman Road to salvation” is the best way to convert people to Christianity. It just seems a bit…silly. But hey, maybe I’m just not pious enough to appreciate it. And who knows? Maybe if I hop on down that rocky, treacherous “road,” I’ll find the true meaning of life. Or at the very least, a few solid blisters.
