Have you ever wondered what in the world the “12 Days of Christmas” song is actually about? I mean, who needs 10 lords-a-leaping or 7 swans-a-swimming anyways?
Day 1: A Partridge in a Pear Tree
Let’s start with day one. Apparently, your true love thinks you really need a partridge in a pear tree for Christmas. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to be responsible for the well-being of a bird and a delicate fruit tree during the cold winter months. Plus, what if the partridge gets loose in my house? I’m pretty sure my cat would make quick work of it.
Day 2: Two Turtle Doves
Day two brings us two turtle doves. Okay, that’s a little more manageable than a bird and a tree, but still, what am I supposed to do with them? Play with them like they’re my new pets? Release them into the wild? Cook them up for dinner? This just seems like a lot of work for a gift.
Day 3: Three French Hens
Three French hens…huh. I guess this would be useful if I had a farm or a backyard. But I live in an apartment, so I don’t think my landlord would appreciate me keeping livestock on the premises. Plus, I don’t even know how to take care of chickens!
Day 4: Four Calling Birds
Day four brings us four calling birds. I’m assuming these are just regular birds that make a lot of noise. Great, just what I need, more noise in my life. Plus, do they come with a birdhouse or something? Are they supposed to just stay in a cage all day? I have questions.
Day 5: Five Golden Rings
Okay, now we’re talking. Five golden rings? Yes please! I can definitely get behind this gift. But wait, why do I need five of them? Do I have to wear them all at once? Can I sell a few and make some money? I feel like there must be a catch somewhere.
Day 6: Six Geese-a-Laying
Day six brings us six geese-a-laying. Okay, are we back to the bird thing? And now they’re laying eggs? So, does that mean I have to take care of even MORE birds now? And what if they’re not good layers? Do I have to scramble up the eggs and eat them? This is getting complicated.
Day 7: Seven Swans-a-Swimming
Seven swans-a-swimming…this is getting ridiculous. First of all, what do swans even do? Do they just swim around like decorative pool floaties? And again, where am I supposed to keep all these birds? Do I have to build them a pond or something? I just don’t think this is a practical gift.
Day 8: Eight Maids-a-Milking
Eight maids-a-milking. Okay, now we’re getting somewhere. I could use some help around the house. But wait, do I have to pay these maids? Are they just here for the day, or are they permanent fixtures? I feel like this is some kind of weird indentured servitude situation.
Day 9: Nine Ladies Dancing
Nine ladies dancing. Okay, this one definitely sounds like fun. But where are they going to dance? In my living room? Do I need to rent a dance hall? Plus, I don’t know if I have enough room in my schedule to coordinate and attend nine different dance performances. This might be a little overwhelming.
Day 10: Ten Lords-a-Leaping
Ten lords-a-leaping. Okay, first of all, what is a lord? Second of all, why are they leaping? And again, where am I supposed to keep all these people? Do they bring their own leaping equipment, or do I have to provide it for them? This just seems like a lot of work.
Day 11: Eleven Pipers Piping
Eleven pipers piping. Okay, let’s break this down. First of all, what are they piping? Music? Smoke? Secondly, are they like street performers that I’m supposed to busk for my entertainment? And again, where do they perform? In my living room? The park? I just don’t know.
Day 12: Twelve Drummers Drumming
And finally, we have twelve drummers drumming. Okay, this one I get. Drums are cool. But again, where do they perform? And for how long? If they’re anything like the pipers and dancers, this is going to be a long 12 days.
In conclusion, the “12 Days of Christmas” song is a confusing mess of questionable gift choices. I think I’ll stick to the more practical gift-giving traditions of today, like socks and gift cards. But hey, if anyone wants to buy me some golden rings, I’m not going to say no.
